I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult. - E. B. White
Great quote, just found on a homeschooling mom's blog. I am on vacation for a few days, in San Diego visiting my Japanese grandma & her husband who are on their way to catch a cruise to Mexico. I live 3 hours away, so we drove down and are doing Sea World and the Wild Animal Park.
So far, I've been having trouble reminding myself to have a good time. Even on vacation, it seems I am still grumpy & tired with Sophia. I think it would really take an actual 2 week vacation for me to mellow out and feel like I was having a hell of a good time. I need to do that, take 2 weeks and just be with my girl. Let the stress melt itself away like butter sitting out on the counter all day. We've got the upcoming holidays and somehow I've let myself get talked into going back East and staying with my parents for that time. A whole other stressful situation in itself. Not work, rather dealing with them! I would much rather lie on the banks of some beach somewhere and do nothing but collect rocks all day and let Sophia spend as much time as she wants getting as dirty as she wants. And then let it all wash away. And do it all over again the next day. Until I just don't get so angry anymore over the littlest things.
Anyway...in thinking ahead to tomorrow, my intention is to plan the day for both of the above, changing my own little world and having one hell of a good time. We are going to have fun. I am going to relax. I will not yell at Sophia. I will just enjoy the little things. Feed the dolphins, let her choose our pace, chase her around if she asks me to, instead of saying "Mommy's too tired," like I have been saying for at least a year. Just 24 little hours. I am making a pledge to myself to keep this all in check and to just have a good time. I think just this conscious shift is going to make a world of difference for both me and for Sophia.
I was moved tonight by a quote from a blog I stumbled upon:
"...if I put off swimming with my kids until my stomach is flat again, I’ll never be able to teach them how to jump waves. And I know that, in the end, my hesitation is going to be remembered a lot more clearly than how I look in my bathing suit." - Missy, from Life Without School (LWOS)
So so true. What do I want her to learn from me, that hesitation to run, jump, dance, be silly, and enjoy life? Where did that hesitation come from anyway? How did I let this full time working thing run me down so completely? I know I'm just tired and I know it won't always be this way (I hope), but I don't want this to be what she knows of me, what she remembers and carries with her about what it means to be a mommy. I can turn this around. We both deserve it.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
how long since I've blogged?
holy smokes, did I really not post for 3 weeks? entirely possible! i am another year older since i last blogged. had my birthday. had a few lunch dates before. not sure if it entirely counts as meeting that goal, because while all were enjoyable, none have produced a 2nd date thus far (though one may soon materialize, but we are both very busy people and keep getting jinxed by disappearing emails and other high tech dating quandries). isn't quandries a word? not in the blogger spell check dictionary...hmmm....
the leaving early thing has started to get better. as well as the taking lunch and breaks at work thing. i'm not back to a reasonable work schedule yet, but i can see it getting slightly better.
BUTTTTTTTT...something really good happened at work. well, 2 things. 2 weeks ago, i asked for a raise. well i pretty much gave an ultimatum for a raise. and it was not an idle threat, believe me. i was all prepared to abandon ship should i get anything less than a nodding boss ready to completely embrace my request for a 22.5% salary increase. and guess what? SHE DID! she went to the mat for me...processed my raise in 4 business days, which normally takes 3-4 weeks. she gave me the entire amount i asked for, didn't negotiate me down, didn't blink an eye. (i probably should have asked for more!!). but hell, as more than one friend has told me, the amount i asked for is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of replacing me. thanks to all who supported me in asking for what i deserve, you know who you are!
that was wednesday, the day she told me about my raise, which i'd only asked for the previous thursday.
then on friday, we had our quartely all-hands meeting. the whole company is there, from all over the world, either live or on the phone. they give status on the company's fiscal performance, highlights of what good things happened last quarter, what's on the horizon for next quarter, yadda yadda. then they give out awards. Ten "Values" awards and one "Bellringer" award. It's a peer nomination process, anyone can nominate anyone. I have twice nominated someone, but the competition is tough and my nominees haven't made it. This Friday, they called out the winners, and I'm on the list! 11 of us go up there, and they recognize 10 other people before I realize I'm the last winner standing. Brett, the CEO, looks at me and goes "well there's only one award left..." and he starts ringing this bell. The bell is symbolic of this big bell we have (many software companies do) which is rung when a product is released. Everyone who made the release happen get recognized, there's pastries and product schwag and it's a big party.
so the CEO says "this award is for the person who made the biggest contribution to the company in this past quarter, biggest impact to the bottom line, etc. etc...." and then my whole team comes up and presents this award to me. my co-worker Kris says way too kind words, like "all the awards our products get (from PC Magazine, CNET, etc) can all be traced to the work Laura does" (even though that is NOT true, we have a killer team which is far more than just me), and "Laura had some pretty big shoes to fill when Carey went on leave, and shortly after, when we found that changes needed to be made after we went into Beta, Laura single handedly re-designed a complex feature in 2 weeks, which had taken a very senior designer 6 months to design in the first place." (OK Carey if you are reading this, he was so obviously EXAGGERATING!!).
then the CEO said that I got more nominations for an award this quarter than anyone in the history of the company!!! every single person on my team nominated me without realizing the others had done so, and then some other people around the company did too.
and THEN on top of all that, my boss, kristen comes up and says we'd also like to give a new award, the "Awesome Techie Kid Award" to Sophia, "in recognition of your many late nights in the office helping Mommy get her work done. We thank you!" and she'd made this cute little award thing, pasted to a gift bag, which contained a sparkly princess crown and a stuffed kangaroo toy. the amazing thing about this is that it was the very toy that Sophia had been saving up her money to buy for at least 6 weeks! it was utter coincidence, my boss had seen it at the fancy toy shop in town, and because it's a kangaroo, wearing an apron, with the baby in the front pocket, it reminded her of a mama taking her baby with her to work. she had no idea that Sophia has been wanting this forever! so it was truly a magical day, and Sophia really deserved it, as she has been such a trooper, putting up with me putting in so many late nights and weekends lately. it was such a high for me too, the rest of that day, all these people, some i don't even know, coming up and congratulating me. i'd forgotten that the whole company was watching me get this award!! it was very cool.
so...now i feel fairly compensated, valued, etc. my sleep deprivation still exists, but it's getting better. my team at work is going wine tasting as a group bonding activity tomorrow, that should be fun. then my birthday parties are the next day (kid-friendly brunch at the beach in the AM then a grown ups only dinner & dancing party at night). still no date for my party, but i am going to look like a million bucks...bought a sexy outfit and oh yeah, i cut my hair super short & punky and dyed it black with some bright reddish bursts of color here and there. sounds wild, but the color is actually subtle. it's pretty cool, may have been an "oh shit, i'm 37" move, but what the hell, right?! i colored it on my actual birthday, monday.
friends from work threw me a happy hour that night, and the only real person i am interested in having a date with showed up. but since it was a work/group gathering thing, i can't really count that as a date, can i? i did get a hug when i walked in. and he did come because i had the balls to flat out ask him one day in the break room "i'm having a birthday party, would you like to come?" and since he couldn't come to my party this weekend, my friend Jen threw together the happy hour on my actual birthday, really all a veiled effort to get us together outside of work. so does it count if i'm the only one of us who thought of it as a date? as usual, stay tuned...
:)
the leaving early thing has started to get better. as well as the taking lunch and breaks at work thing. i'm not back to a reasonable work schedule yet, but i can see it getting slightly better.
BUTTTTTTTT...something really good happened at work. well, 2 things. 2 weeks ago, i asked for a raise. well i pretty much gave an ultimatum for a raise. and it was not an idle threat, believe me. i was all prepared to abandon ship should i get anything less than a nodding boss ready to completely embrace my request for a 22.5% salary increase. and guess what? SHE DID! she went to the mat for me...processed my raise in 4 business days, which normally takes 3-4 weeks. she gave me the entire amount i asked for, didn't negotiate me down, didn't blink an eye. (i probably should have asked for more!!). but hell, as more than one friend has told me, the amount i asked for is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of replacing me. thanks to all who supported me in asking for what i deserve, you know who you are!
that was wednesday, the day she told me about my raise, which i'd only asked for the previous thursday.
then on friday, we had our quartely all-hands meeting. the whole company is there, from all over the world, either live or on the phone. they give status on the company's fiscal performance, highlights of what good things happened last quarter, what's on the horizon for next quarter, yadda yadda. then they give out awards. Ten "Values" awards and one "Bellringer" award. It's a peer nomination process, anyone can nominate anyone. I have twice nominated someone, but the competition is tough and my nominees haven't made it. This Friday, they called out the winners, and I'm on the list! 11 of us go up there, and they recognize 10 other people before I realize I'm the last winner standing. Brett, the CEO, looks at me and goes "well there's only one award left..." and he starts ringing this bell. The bell is symbolic of this big bell we have (many software companies do) which is rung when a product is released. Everyone who made the release happen get recognized, there's pastries and product schwag and it's a big party.
so the CEO says "this award is for the person who made the biggest contribution to the company in this past quarter, biggest impact to the bottom line, etc. etc...." and then my whole team comes up and presents this award to me. my co-worker Kris says way too kind words, like "all the awards our products get (from PC Magazine, CNET, etc) can all be traced to the work Laura does" (even though that is NOT true, we have a killer team which is far more than just me), and "Laura had some pretty big shoes to fill when Carey went on leave, and shortly after, when we found that changes needed to be made after we went into Beta, Laura single handedly re-designed a complex feature in 2 weeks, which had taken a very senior designer 6 months to design in the first place." (OK Carey if you are reading this, he was so obviously EXAGGERATING!!).
then the CEO said that I got more nominations for an award this quarter than anyone in the history of the company!!! every single person on my team nominated me without realizing the others had done so, and then some other people around the company did too.
and THEN on top of all that, my boss, kristen comes up and says we'd also like to give a new award, the "Awesome Techie Kid Award" to Sophia, "in recognition of your many late nights in the office helping Mommy get her work done. We thank you!" and she'd made this cute little award thing, pasted to a gift bag, which contained a sparkly princess crown and a stuffed kangaroo toy. the amazing thing about this is that it was the very toy that Sophia had been saving up her money to buy for at least 6 weeks! it was utter coincidence, my boss had seen it at the fancy toy shop in town, and because it's a kangaroo, wearing an apron, with the baby in the front pocket, it reminded her of a mama taking her baby with her to work. she had no idea that Sophia has been wanting this forever! so it was truly a magical day, and Sophia really deserved it, as she has been such a trooper, putting up with me putting in so many late nights and weekends lately. it was such a high for me too, the rest of that day, all these people, some i don't even know, coming up and congratulating me. i'd forgotten that the whole company was watching me get this award!! it was very cool.
so...now i feel fairly compensated, valued, etc. my sleep deprivation still exists, but it's getting better. my team at work is going wine tasting as a group bonding activity tomorrow, that should be fun. then my birthday parties are the next day (kid-friendly brunch at the beach in the AM then a grown ups only dinner & dancing party at night). still no date for my party, but i am going to look like a million bucks...bought a sexy outfit and oh yeah, i cut my hair super short & punky and dyed it black with some bright reddish bursts of color here and there. sounds wild, but the color is actually subtle. it's pretty cool, may have been an "oh shit, i'm 37" move, but what the hell, right?! i colored it on my actual birthday, monday.
friends from work threw me a happy hour that night, and the only real person i am interested in having a date with showed up. but since it was a work/group gathering thing, i can't really count that as a date, can i? i did get a hug when i walked in. and he did come because i had the balls to flat out ask him one day in the break room "i'm having a birthday party, would you like to come?" and since he couldn't come to my party this weekend, my friend Jen threw together the happy hour on my actual birthday, really all a veiled effort to get us together outside of work. so does it count if i'm the only one of us who thought of it as a date? as usual, stay tuned...
:)
Thursday, October 04, 2007
hilarious Mom song
OK this is the best thing on YouTube right now, in my opinion (which could change every .047 seconds as new video is uploaded to YouTube):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
books to read and daily goals
I'm making a list of books I want to read. Maybe I should make an amazon.com wishlist for my upcoming bday? Well this is a place to start for now:
1.Byron Katie's A Thousand Names for Joy
2. Don Miguel Ruiz's The Voice of Knowledge
3. Earth Prayers, I lost my copy of this 2 years ago, need to find it!
4. This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men & Women
5. Ani DiFranco's new poetry book, Verses. (bought it, haven't read it yet)
And now for the daily check-in on my recently established goals:
1. I am leaving work at 6 pm every night. I left at 7:00 - bad!
2. I am taking a lunch break every day. Part of an hour, sitting at my desk, blogging and making phone calls. Not exactly what I intended, need to leave tomorrow!!
3. I will take a ping pong break once a week. I played today, only briefly, but fun! Laura M is my new ping pong buddy. Yay!
4. I will go out on a date sometime before my birthday and enjoy it. Well...I started emailing with someone new tonight. I hate to email and tell...so I'm going dark on this topic until there is something to write about (see long ago post about the jinx of blogging about a date...bad juju!)
5. keep breathing. I played the song alot today. My boss told me I need to relax more. Does that count?
1.Byron Katie's A Thousand Names for Joy
2. Don Miguel Ruiz's The Voice of Knowledge
3. Earth Prayers, I lost my copy of this 2 years ago, need to find it!
4. This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men & Women
5. Ani DiFranco's new poetry book, Verses. (bought it, haven't read it yet)
And now for the daily check-in on my recently established goals:
1. I am leaving work at 6 pm every night. I left at 7:00 - bad!
2. I am taking a lunch break every day. Part of an hour, sitting at my desk, blogging and making phone calls. Not exactly what I intended, need to leave tomorrow!!
3. I will take a ping pong break once a week. I played today, only briefly, but fun! Laura M is my new ping pong buddy. Yay!
4. I will go out on a date sometime before my birthday and enjoy it. Well...I started emailing with someone new tonight. I hate to email and tell...so I'm going dark on this topic until there is something to write about (see long ago post about the jinx of blogging about a date...bad juju!)
5. keep breathing. I played the song alot today. My boss told me I need to relax more. Does that count?
the angel herself
And here's a picture of the angel who spotted the wings below. Who let her grow up so fast?? I used to have a baby (see post below for proof of this)! What happened?!!
Do I sound like every mom on the planet?
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