don't blink...

In the blink of an eye, children change. Seriously, in a single instant, they grow, they move on to a new stage, and things never go back to the way they were again.

This post is written to all the people who sneered, chided, disapproved or in any other way discouraged me into thinking that I was spoiling my daughter by continuing to co-sleep into her fifth year, that I'd never get her out of my bed. Hooey, is what I say to all of you.

I practiced nursing on demand and then child led weaning. Sophia nursed until she had her needs completely met by it, and at age 2.75, she gave each breast a goodbye kiss and a little snuggle in the bath one night, and told me that there was no more milk for her. She only asked to nurse 2 additional times after that, for only a few minutes each, in the week following. Blink...done.

For the past month, at her own unique and developmental/age appropriate timing, my daughter has been asking to have her own bed back (I bought her one more than a year ago, it got moved to the playroom in the garage since she never sleeps in it). Finally over the 3 day weekend, I took her up on it. We live in a small one bedroom apartment, but I knew the day might come when she'd want her own room, and have been prepared to move myself to the living room. This weekend, it just felt right. I knew she wanted the bed for sleeping in this time. So I moved my bed to the living room (soon to be replaced by a futon or fold out couch for me to sleep on), and moved her loft bed into the bedroom. We transformed our former bedroom into "her" room (my dressers are still in there and we share the large closet).

And the result? My first two nights in a row ever of putting my child to bed at a decent hour and having "mommy time" to myself after she's asleep! Whoot!! I have been seriously mal-advised and mis-informed on what this was going to be like. Everyone talked about what a struggle it would be, how we'd have to ramp up for it, be prepared for several sleepless nights, be ready to sleep in her bed with her then gradually move to sitting in the room until she fell asleep, then finally tiptoeing out. Supernanny has several episodes of all these techniques poor young parents struggle with for weeks with their 18 month olds. Hmm...maybe Jr. just isn't ready yet or being allowed his own perfect timing in the situation? Because when it came to Sophia's time, she climbed in her bed, gave me 3 real kisses and blew me 2 more, and rolled over and went to sleep. We've got a nightlight on, which she has never needed in the past, but for 2 nights in a row, there has been no arguing, no crying, no fuss, just straight into bed and to sleep.

And this is my kid who woke every 20 minutes for the first 2 years of her life. This is the mom who has never been able to get her daughter to sleep without me also sleeping next to her in 5 years. Two days ago, that was my story and then, blink, the next day, it's completely different.

I've heard all your criticism and naysaying. And sure, I have been friggin' tired for the past 5 years. But that's all it's been, 5 short years. I've got 60-70 odd more years of being her mom, so that's a far cry from never getting her out of my bed. I've got plenty of time to recoup my rest and sleep by myself! Yes, reading my book on meditation all by myself last night without someone bouncing on the bed or asking me to look at her latest magic trick over and over again was definitely pleasurable. But would I have wanted to force this on her years ago, just to have that momentary pleasure? No! I was tired, I never got alone time, but did I really in my heart hold those needs above completely meeting my daughter's attachment needs until she no longer needed to be in my bed? Not for one minute! I never felt cheated or burned out from not getting my alone time at night for 5 years. All along, I knew that I had something much more precious going on that would be over in the blink of an eye, and who was I to rush that?

(this all happened on "Independence Day"..and above is Sophia wearing her patriotic PJs which has "lil miss independence" stitched on the shirt!)