don't blink...

In the blink of an eye, children change. Seriously, in a single instant, they grow, they move on to a new stage, and things never go back to the way they were again.

This post is written to all the people who sneered, chided, disapproved or in any other way discouraged me into thinking that I was spoiling my daughter by continuing to co-sleep into her fifth year, that I'd never get her out of my bed. Hooey, is what I say to all of you.

I practiced nursing on demand and then child led weaning. Sophia nursed until she had her needs completely met by it, and at age 2.75, she gave each breast a goodbye kiss and a little snuggle in the bath one night, and told me that there was no more milk for her. She only asked to nurse 2 additional times after that, for only a few minutes each, in the week following. Blink...done.

For the past month, at her own unique and developmental/age appropriate timing, my daughter has been asking to have her own bed back (I bought her one more than a year ago, it got moved to the playroom in the garage since she never sleeps in it). Finally over the 3 day weekend, I took her up on it. We live in a small one bedroom apartment, but I knew the day might come when she'd want her own room, and have been prepared to move myself to the living room. This weekend, it just felt right. I knew she wanted the bed for sleeping in this time. So I moved my bed to the living room (soon to be replaced by a futon or fold out couch for me to sleep on), and moved her loft bed into the bedroom. We transformed our former bedroom into "her" room (my dressers are still in there and we share the large closet).

And the result? My first two nights in a row ever of putting my child to bed at a decent hour and having "mommy time" to myself after she's asleep! Whoot!! I have been seriously mal-advised and mis-informed on what this was going to be like. Everyone talked about what a struggle it would be, how we'd have to ramp up for it, be prepared for several sleepless nights, be ready to sleep in her bed with her then gradually move to sitting in the room until she fell asleep, then finally tiptoeing out. Supernanny has several episodes of all these techniques poor young parents struggle with for weeks with their 18 month olds. Hmm...maybe Jr. just isn't ready yet or being allowed his own perfect timing in the situation? Because when it came to Sophia's time, she climbed in her bed, gave me 3 real kisses and blew me 2 more, and rolled over and went to sleep. We've got a nightlight on, which she has never needed in the past, but for 2 nights in a row, there has been no arguing, no crying, no fuss, just straight into bed and to sleep.

And this is my kid who woke every 20 minutes for the first 2 years of her life. This is the mom who has never been able to get her daughter to sleep without me also sleeping next to her in 5 years. Two days ago, that was my story and then, blink, the next day, it's completely different.

I've heard all your criticism and naysaying. And sure, I have been friggin' tired for the past 5 years. But that's all it's been, 5 short years. I've got 60-70 odd more years of being her mom, so that's a far cry from never getting her out of my bed. I've got plenty of time to recoup my rest and sleep by myself! Yes, reading my book on meditation all by myself last night without someone bouncing on the bed or asking me to look at her latest magic trick over and over again was definitely pleasurable. But would I have wanted to force this on her years ago, just to have that momentary pleasure? No! I was tired, I never got alone time, but did I really in my heart hold those needs above completely meeting my daughter's attachment needs until she no longer needed to be in my bed? Not for one minute! I never felt cheated or burned out from not getting my alone time at night for 5 years. All along, I knew that I had something much more precious going on that would be over in the blink of an eye, and who was I to rush that?

(this all happened on "Independence Day"..and above is Sophia wearing her patriotic PJs which has "lil miss independence" stitched on the shirt!)

Toys for a modern world

There are some things that just shouldn't be made into toys. Take for instance, the Playmobil Security Check Point.

Product Review: "I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!"

But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.

The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I've heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I'll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush)."

Read more hilarious reviews

time for me?

ugh...it's been one of those days (or months)! I just don't feel I am getting any of my needs met ever. I am constantly at work, either at the office (on average 10 hrs/weekday,) or cleaning the constant dust & laundry my house accumulates. Sophia thinks I never play with her, which I rarely do. And I am 100% broke all the time. While at work, it is just a constant stream of multi-tasking, no let up, and I hardly EVER leave for lunch because I am always feeling behind & relish the chance to catch up. But I never catch up!!

Some days I think I want to give it all up for some mindless job, like digging trenches.

I need a raise. I got the standard "we only give raises at the end of the year" line. But to be working this damn hard and not be able to afford to order take out when I am too pooped to cook dinner is a crock. I am behind in all my bills, getting disconnect notices. It was NEVER this bad when I worked for myself. In my own business, working 50-60 hr weeks meant I was rolling in the dough. I'm friggin' exhausted and trying to squeeze in side work after Sophia goes to sleep to make ends meet. Which means never sleeping...not good! Something's gotta give soon, and I don't know what it will be.

I am just venting like a steam engine here...phew! It's good to get it out, bad to populate my blog with all this negative mojo. I just can't seem to get my head above water right now, and need some serious re-assessment soon. I simply can't go on like this for much longer, it is totally not sustainable. Thinking of getting married to some anybody just for someone to split the cost of living with!! Or even worse...taking my parents up on their usual and constant offers for us to come and live with them across the country. Anyway, no I am seriously not serious about these ridiculous thoughts. I would never do either of those things! I'm too much a believer in true love and too radically opposed to letting my mom and dad have that much access to Sophia! I am just needing something to change and so utterly uncertain of how to manifest that change.

Feel free to send ideas...no comment will be considered outrageous, all advice welcome!

so long cindy sheehan

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2007/5/28/12530/1525

http://theexcellentadventure.com/elementalmom/2007/05/29/thank-you-cindy-sheehan

I just can't believe it.

They've finally driven Cindy Sheehan to give up.

I'm unable to type much more than these links, but I think they speak for themselves. Sometimes I slip into blissful forgetfulness, with this paradise all around me, and then the background music screeches to a halt and something like this reminds me of the utter insanity that has taken hold of the land I live in.

What are we doing?

What am I doing about it?

Sadly, nothing more than crying behind my computer screen for today. Tomorrow, who knows...