oh yeah, of course after my "ME" post, I forgot to announce the most exciting thing that happened to us this September...Sophia is officially a reader! As she says it "I'm not a guessing reader but a real REAL reader!!"
we're both very proud...she has wanted this so badly, all on her own, no pressure from anyone. she worked and worked at it, and then it just started clicking. oh and she loves to say "and I'm not even four and a half" (which now, as of today, she IS, so it was pretty funny that she got it a few weeks before that date, and was bragging about it!).
Sunday, September 30, 2007
time for me?
ugh...it's been one of those days (or months)! I just don't feel I am getting any of my needs met ever. I am constantly at work, either at the office (on average 10 hrs/weekday,) or cleaning the constant dust & laundry my house accumulates. Sophia thinks I never play with her, which I rarely do. And I am 100% broke all the time. While at work, it is just a constant stream of multi-tasking, no let up, and I hardly EVER leave for lunch because I am always feeling behind & relish the chance to catch up. But I never catch up!!
Some days I think I want to give it all up for some mindless job, like digging trenches.
I need a raise. I got the standard "we only give raises at the end of the year" line. But to be working this damn hard and not be able to afford to order take out when I am too pooped to cook dinner is a crock. I am behind in all my bills, getting disconnect notices. It was NEVER this bad when I worked for myself. In my own business, working 50-60 hr weeks meant I was rolling in the dough. I'm friggin' exhausted and trying to squeeze in side work after Sophia goes to sleep to make ends meet. Which means never sleeping...not good! Something's gotta give soon, and I don't know what it will be.
I am just venting like a steam engine here...phew! It's good to get it out, bad to populate my blog with all this negative mojo. I just can't seem to get my head above water right now, and need some serious re-assessment soon. I simply can't go on like this for much longer, it is totally not sustainable. Thinking of getting married to some anybody just for someone to split the cost of living with!! Or even worse...taking my parents up on their usual and constant offers for us to come and live with them across the country. Anyway, no I am seriously not serious about these ridiculous thoughts. I would never do either of those things! I'm too much a believer in true love and too radically opposed to letting my mom and dad have that much access to Sophia! I am just needing something to change and so utterly uncertain of how to manifest that change.
Feel free to send ideas...no comment will be considered outrageous, all advice welcome!
Some days I think I want to give it all up for some mindless job, like digging trenches.
I need a raise. I got the standard "we only give raises at the end of the year" line. But to be working this damn hard and not be able to afford to order take out when I am too pooped to cook dinner is a crock. I am behind in all my bills, getting disconnect notices. It was NEVER this bad when I worked for myself. In my own business, working 50-60 hr weeks meant I was rolling in the dough. I'm friggin' exhausted and trying to squeeze in side work after Sophia goes to sleep to make ends meet. Which means never sleeping...not good! Something's gotta give soon, and I don't know what it will be.
I am just venting like a steam engine here...phew! It's good to get it out, bad to populate my blog with all this negative mojo. I just can't seem to get my head above water right now, and need some serious re-assessment soon. I simply can't go on like this for much longer, it is totally not sustainable. Thinking of getting married to some anybody just for someone to split the cost of living with!! Or even worse...taking my parents up on their usual and constant offers for us to come and live with them across the country. Anyway, no I am seriously not serious about these ridiculous thoughts. I would never do either of those things! I'm too much a believer in true love and too radically opposed to letting my mom and dad have that much access to Sophia! I am just needing something to change and so utterly uncertain of how to manifest that change.
Feel free to send ideas...no comment will be considered outrageous, all advice welcome!
Monday, September 03, 2007
retrograde
"You are where you are in your life because of what you believe is possible for you."
Quote from Jacob Glass' email signature. Not sure if it's him, from the Course or someone else. Attributed or not, this is the quote which struck a chord in me this fine morning. Do I not have the kind of partner I wish for because I do not believe it is possible? Can that be true?
Certainly it can be, but is it? I used to do a lot of visioning for the perfect partner, but who I am has so substantially changed since then (read becoming a mother!) that maybe I just have never taken the time to reset the manifestation, and the universe "knows" that that kind of person would just never do as a parent figure in Sophia's life. So maybe it's time to start re-visioning.
As soon as I typed "re-visioning" I had a hit to find out when the next Mercury retrograde would be. That's always a good time for doing things that start with "re-". So I googled and found this site - amazingly on target for exactly what I just typed. If you have an interest in this, click on the upcoming one in October to see more...sounds like I know what I'll be doing next month!!
Quote from Jacob Glass' email signature. Not sure if it's him, from the Course or someone else. Attributed or not, this is the quote which struck a chord in me this fine morning. Do I not have the kind of partner I wish for because I do not believe it is possible? Can that be true?
Certainly it can be, but is it? I used to do a lot of visioning for the perfect partner, but who I am has so substantially changed since then (read becoming a mother!) that maybe I just have never taken the time to reset the manifestation, and the universe "knows" that that kind of person would just never do as a parent figure in Sophia's life. So maybe it's time to start re-visioning.
As soon as I typed "re-visioning" I had a hit to find out when the next Mercury retrograde would be. That's always a good time for doing things that start with "re-". So I googled and found this site - amazingly on target for exactly what I just typed. If you have an interest in this, click on the upcoming one in October to see more...sounds like I know what I'll be doing next month!!
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